Smith's Adoption Blog

 Anyone who has gone through the adoption process knows what I am talking about.  I had been debating about calling the social worker because it as been two month and no word of any kind.  I was wondering if our profile was being shown.  Then at 2pm while I was sleeping (I work nights) last Thursday my husband got the call on his cell phone.  I was excited and scared, but I expected her to say someone had looked at our profile and wanted to meet us and a few other families.  I expected to meet a few birth mothers in this process.  But, she said the birth family had picked us and wanted to meet just us in a few weeks.  WOW,  I was blown away.  I know it is not said and done until the baby is born and TPR is signed, but I am excited and scared.   I will keep a lot of the detail out due to confidentiality, but she is early in pregnancy 19 weeks and baby is due in March a baby boy.  I hope all goes well when we meet.  I have been praying for them and us that God’s Will be done in this situation.  We told all our family and friends.   I know we should have waited until we know more and feel a little more secure, but they have all been waiting and praying as hard as us.  They will all be as heart broken as us.  We will need all of their support if it does not work out.  Now on to the fun stuff.  I feel like I don’t have to hide every baby thing I buy because there is a possibility of a baby.  I am still buying gender-neutral stuff, but I did but a few boy 0-3 months cloths on clearance.  I am planning on painting the room and setting things up to take pictures to show the birth parent when we meet.  I know as you read this you are thinking take it slow it may not work out.  I know that I am a realist.  Family and friends are asking if I would like a shower before time and I told them NO.  I think a welcome home party would be great and I would not feel pressured with gifts if things change and we need to wait for another child of possibly a different gender.  I have not been able to sleep very well.  I feel peace on the situation, but feel an urgency to get things done.  I am working a lot to pay things off so I can stay home a lot more when the little one arrives.  I have notice some people are excited and will talk to me about our plans and other avoid the subject.   I think they are so worried about us getting hurt.  Now, on to the problem of finding the money for placement in 5 months or less.  I am waiting to see how God handles that.  More details to come after we meet.

This is the story of our life right now.  Every time a family member calls the question is,  ”Have you heard anything?”  No!  If I do you will know.  We were formally approved on August 26, 2009.  Our profile in up on the Website of our agency.  Profile book and web video is submitted.  Nothing else to do, but wait.  So this is the hard part.  I believe and have faith that we were called to adoption.  The process went by without a problem and the money just appeared.  Now we just wait.  I have an empty room that we cleared out for our homestudy.  This is my problem.  While I wait I feel the need to get ready by buying things, but I don’t want to walk by and look at this stuff for 3 years.  What do you do?  Have faith and prepare or wait and see?  Well, my mother could not stand it and went and bought us a room full of furniture.  Bed, chest and changing table the really nice stuff that can be used until the child is off to college.  I am so grateful, but it sits in the middle of the room still in boxes.  I do not have the heart to open it.  I got a wild hair the other day and ordered a theme of oceans for the nursery.  It came in and it sitting in boxes in the middle of the room.  I also ordered a monitor, a set of bottles, and crib mattress cover.  I am scared to have hope.  This should be a happy time.  If I were pregnant I would be buying and getting ready, but with adoption I feel like I have to hide the stuff I buy because I should not be getting my hopes up.  I just want the happy feeling of getting ready for our child.   In the back of my mind I keep thinking what if it dose not happen.  Then what?  Pack everything up and sell it on e-bay I guess.  Like I read on a sign once.  The bible says that God dose not give us more than we can handle.  Sometime I wish he did not trust me so much.  Funny thing is I do not have a feeling of despair or depression.  I remember those time with infertility.  With adoption I just feel restless not despair almost like waiting for Christmas as a child knowing a gift was coming and knowing it was going to be good but not sure what it was going to be.  With just a touch of  “what if”.  This blog is my place to express my fears, failures and future.  By the way I also bought a diaper bag today put it in the closet so not one would see it.  This whole process is crazy.  God I am waiting on you.

Well, we received our first draft of the home study today to review and edit as needed.  She is still waiting on verification of employment of my husband and our physicals.  That is my fault I forget to put them in the mail.  They are done she should get them tomorrow or the next day.  I hope my husband employment dose not hold us up to long.  Our name is to common they had to verify him name and ss#.  I think we are done with the autobiographies, dear birth mother letter, and youtube video.  Profile book is done came in the mail.  Had a error, my fault as well as all the people I asked to check it.  Anyway.  I used a pen and fixed it the best that I could.  $40 I did not want to spend again.  All we need to do now is get a good head shot.  We have been so bless from start to finish with this process.  It has took us about 2 months to complete.  I think that is record time for most people.  Now we wait.  The next big deal will be getting our profile posted online.  Look for more updates to come.

Well, our part of the home study is complete.  Now it is up to the social worker to type it up and for all of our references to send in their papers.  We got the house all ready.  Filled in the pond.  Got lazy and hired someone to cut and clean up the yards.  First day social worker arrived.  Very nice lady.  Spent a few hours with my husband alone doing his personal interview.  Then, we did our joint interview.  Next day,  I did my personal interview and she did a walk through the house.  She looked in every bedroom to see if they had a working fire detector.  Checked for fire extinguisher in the kitchen.  Checked to see were we kept our medications.  Asked to see our cars and maintenance records.  Never looked in the backyard after all that work to cover pond.  She asked if we have any water hazards and I sad no and that was that.  $1000.00 check as she was gone.  They will bill us for mileage for her travel. 

I started on our Profile book, dear birthmother letter, profile web video and autobiography.  This has been a lot of work.  It is hard to write and talk about yourself so much.  We went back to the doctor to finish up result from blood work for our physicals.  WOW I am tired.  Now just waiting for her to let us know if we are approved.  I printed my profile book with Snapfish just waiting for it to come in the mail.  My husband has to write his autobiography and we will be done with that step. 

Then the next step is to wait.  I think this part is going to be harder on our family and friends than us.  My mother is asking if she can buy baby furniture and things already.  I keep telling everyone NO it not time yet.  They do not understand the wait could be years.  I tell them this and the next comments is maybe you will have a baby by Christmas.  Only by the grace of God.  Maybe by next Christmas.  I had a nursery set up years ago when we were going through infertility treatments and I could not stand to have it all just sitting there.  So this time we will buy it when we need it.  We requested a child 0-12 months so buying things for an infant may not be needed.  I am a very planned and organized person so this is a real test of faith for me.  By the way, our insurance company paid for all of our blood test required for homestudy I was very surprise.  We will wait to see if they covered to doctors visit.  Next they want $2,000.00 for advertising and administrative fees.  More to come as things move forward.

After 10 years of marriage,  7 years of dreaming of a family,  many years of infertility treatments, and surgeries we enter the journey of adoption.  We were given a choice to try IVF or pursue adoption and chose adoption.  We decided we wanted a child more than just a chance at a biological child.  I plan to include the steps we go through, the cost, and emotional rollercoster of adoption.  July 13 was the first informational meeting.  Pre application turned in.  July 27 educational meeting.  $550 fee to submit application.  July  28 formal application submitted.  Many hours of looking up information, and copying important papers.  During this time we are getting the house ready for home study.  Removed carpet in bedrooms and installed wood flooring.  Moved bedroom around to make a room open for a future nursery.  Family assisted with getting the house ready.  Social worker set dates for home study of Aug  5th and 6th.  Called and set up finger prints for July 30th $102.50.  Vet appointment for all pets two dogs and two cats.  All need shots.  Cost ??  Physical for both of us set for August 3 $??? they refused to file on our insurance due to it being a adoption physical.  Now on to the stuff to get ready for the home study.  4 pages of questions to answer and think about.  Remove all cleaning chemicals from the house and place on a high place in garage with a lock on the door.  Install fire detectors in each bedroom.  Place a fire extinguisher in kitchen.  No gas or fireplace so that is not a problem for us.  Have not firearms in the house or  have locking cabinet to keep guns and ammo in.  The problem for us is a beautiful pond that I dug outside of our bedroom window.  Florida law states that it has to have a four foot tall fence around it on all four sides with a self locking gate.  Windows and doors leading to that area have to have an alarm attached and we have to take a water safety course.  Can you say Bull ****.  Anyway, a four foot fence would look stupid around a small fish pond and the cost to install  all require would be crazy.  So, we have to catch the fish, remove the plants , and fill in the hole.  This is so said.  I know you are thinking its just a pond, but we really enjoyed the fish and the frogs at the pond.  I understand why things are the way they are, but at times it seems so unfair.  When you have a baby at the hospital they don’t say you can not take your child home until  X Y and Z are done.  It is like being punished for not being able to have biological children.  Now that I am through ranting about that.  We will fill in the hole and move on.  Off to the bank tomorrow to get a bunch of papers notarized and get some stuff done around the house.  The weekend brings yard work and all kinds of fun.  By the way, the home study fee is $1000.00.  More to come.

This is a Blog about our journey into the process of domestic infant adoption.