This is the story of our life right now.  Every time a family member calls the question is,  ”Have you heard anything?”  No!  If I do you will know.  We were formally approved on August 26, 2009.  Our profile in up on the Website of our agency.  Profile book and web video is submitted.  Nothing else to do, but wait.  So this is the hard part.  I believe and have faith that we were called to adoption.  The process went by without a problem and the money just appeared.  Now we just wait.  I have an empty room that we cleared out for our homestudy.  This is my problem.  While I wait I feel the need to get ready by buying things, but I don’t want to walk by and look at this stuff for 3 years.  What do you do?  Have faith and prepare or wait and see?  Well, my mother could not stand it and went and bought us a room full of furniture.  Bed, chest and changing table the really nice stuff that can be used until the child is off to college.  I am so grateful, but it sits in the middle of the room still in boxes.  I do not have the heart to open it.  I got a wild hair the other day and ordered a theme of oceans for the nursery.  It came in and it sitting in boxes in the middle of the room.  I also ordered a monitor, a set of bottles, and crib mattress cover.  I am scared to have hope.  This should be a happy time.  If I were pregnant I would be buying and getting ready, but with adoption I feel like I have to hide the stuff I buy because I should not be getting my hopes up.  I just want the happy feeling of getting ready for our child.   In the back of my mind I keep thinking what if it dose not happen.  Then what?  Pack everything up and sell it on e-bay I guess.  Like I read on a sign once.  The bible says that God dose not give us more than we can handle.  Sometime I wish he did not trust me so much.  Funny thing is I do not have a feeling of despair or depression.  I remember those time with infertility.  With adoption I just feel restless not despair almost like waiting for Christmas as a child knowing a gift was coming and knowing it was going to be good but not sure what it was going to be.  With just a touch of  “what if”.  This blog is my place to express my fears, failures and future.  By the way I also bought a diaper bag today put it in the closet so not one would see it.  This whole process is crazy.  God I am waiting on you.